come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize