My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
