you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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