a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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