The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
