I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
