you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize