I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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