he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
