Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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