she was so not down for the gang bang
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
