idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
