talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
