You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
