You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drake has all the answers
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
