oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
