Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
