I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
PANTIES FOUND
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
