I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
