I seem to have left my pride at pride
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
