i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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