was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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