he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize