She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
