just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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