It's Friday. Sex?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
