How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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