Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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