I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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