I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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