Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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