At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
