is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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