So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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