kristin has been a bad kristin
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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