it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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