Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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