I hate your face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
