This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
