I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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