"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
