I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
