I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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