so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
