There r osticjed everywhere
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize