I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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