you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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