Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
