wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
