We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
