apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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