the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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