oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
