Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
