He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
