Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize