I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
