cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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