I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i have herpe
just one?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
