I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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