She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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