I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
