ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
