His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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