next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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