His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
