this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
